четверг, 23 июля 2015 г.

my complexes

I say it like it is.
I've always wanted to seem mysterious. The mysteriousness is robust mask. In my childhood I believed I am an experienced wanderer that returned after a long journey. I thought that other people believe in this, too. I created this mask that I could hide my ignorance.
The fact that I do not understand anything in this life. How this world is made? What people think? What is opposite sex? I did not know this until now.
So I am still a mysterious person. I pretend. I want other people to think that I'm an experienced pilgrim who returned after a long journey.
But nobody thinks so. People are not interested in me. At best, they see me as a colleague, or a man, or anyone else. At worst, they look right through me.
OK! But I don’t want people to look right through me. After all, I’m not a cloud and I’m not smoke. I created my mask because I thought I was a significant man who still didn’t have time to understand the meaning of life.

And they... And they live their lives that I don't understand.
I studied all my life and now I have a lot of information in my head. I argued with my mom and my dad. I read classics and scientific books. I talked and corresponded with many intelligent people. I argued with my wife and read aloud to her. I studied medicine and psychology. I analyzed my clients in my work. I came up with characters and plots. I argued with my co-author. I raised my daughter. And of course I didn’t understand the meaning of life yet.
I created a lot of new masks. And then I hid my own self so far away that I realized that I might lose it.
What to do? Should I continue pretending? Should I wear the mask of seasoned pilgrim and my other masks? Or maybe it's time that I confess to everybody that I'm an ignorant man? Maybe it's time to be myself?
I asked myself this question many times.
Then one day I found the answer. It happened when I read Jung or Adler.
I realized that all this is a game - too complicated game. I am not the only participant in this game. In fact, I am only one of many characters. This is a complex game.
This is my life.
I chose the role of a wanderer, writer, husband, son, father, a subordinate, the boss... and several other roles. I have to keep pretending. It would be silly if I tried to get rid of these roles, of my complexes. Then my life would be like in an empty theater. It will be a life without meaning.
I must become the main character. I have to find a way that I could beat my rivals - complexes. They are more cunning, clever but I must subdue them under me. I must dominate them. I have to return my self. My self is to become the captain of the ship.
I've been thinking, I read scientific papers ... and then I created the concept. And then I started to write the book "My complexes and me." Now, I have already written the first part - a theory, and I started working on the second part - practices.
Every morning, I extract my self from the bottom of my subconsciousness, and then I go on stage.
Oh... this is very interesting, guys!